Message in a Bottle 19
It’s been awhile … once again …
I’d love to talk to you once a month, but my whole point in doing emails this way is I only talk if I have something to say. No forcing words and screaming into the void. Those of you that get that, I appreciate more than you know.
I will give you a small writing update, before we reach the main course. Book four’s coming slowly but surely. A lot’s happening in Py’aoka, that I’ll try to keep quiet about. Bartholomew is as amazing as ever. He’s 90% of the reason I still have my sanity as intact as it is right now. The other 10%? You’re not gonna believe me when I say it’s due to Darcy. You guys just wait for book four Darcy. I’m telling you a lot’s happening.
It’s overwhelming and frightening as heck. I think I’m trying to think about way too much at once. But I’m terrified to get this wrong. So many ending’s fall flat and I’ve worked too hard, come too far to let that happen. You’ve come too far in the story for me to do that to you.
Which brings me to the title of this Message in a Bottle. I love to longboard. What I really want to do is surf, but I picked up boarding in 2022.
There are roads and paths you’ll find as a boarder that are so smooth it feels like your wheels are gliding over butter. I now notice the conditions of roads and sidewalks even when my board’s not with me. “That’s a butter road,” I’ll say randomly. Those that get it, get it.
But not all roads are butter roads. Sometimes you have to endure the crappy ones to get to the glazed icing. Sometimes the whole ride is just kinda bumpy.
I suck at starting new things. Not like— I’m new at it and suck. No, that describes the majority of humans. What I mean is, I suck at allowing myself to suck. Don’t worry, you can laugh. I’m laughing too.
When I try something new, I see the butter roads up ahead AND the torn up, pothole inundated roads too. I see it all. And I shut down.
I hardly ever give myself grace to be new at something, or in some cases not so new but still not very great. ’Cause that’s okay too.
I have a beautiful banjo hanging on the wall in my room that I’m terrified to play. But I remember when I was terrified to start boarding too. Even after I could stay up without falling or bailing, I felt like such a fraud for the longest time.
I am still very much an amateur boarder. But since buying my first board, I’ve learned how to clean and change bearings, how to tweak the wheels and trucks, and this summer I saw progress that was super encouraging. I tried bigger hills for the first time and that felt like some kind of rite of passage, but what was really neat was how much more comfortable I felt on the board this year. I tapped into new speeds, by finally having the balance and strength to really trust my left leg while I pushed with my right. It’s those moments where something just clicks that propel me in any learning endeavor.
See, maybe it’s not a great thing, but I don’t do a whole lot of intentional learning or practicing. I watch and I listen. That’s how I learn. And then I just muddle along until something clicks. It’s no wonder I get easily frustrated and discouraged. It’s hard for me to focus on the step I’m on, constantly flipping forward in the directions manual.
But the point is— rough roads lead to butter roads, and butter roads lead to more rough roads. It’s never always a smooth ride. But it’s up to us if we’re gonna dust off our bloody knees when we fall and continue on, or just sit in the dirt and tell ourselves we don’t have what it takes to improve.
I was just marveling at how far my sister has come as a watercolor painter. Her use of color and light has blown me away lately. It really is like— stick with something long enough and you will see improvements.
Shameless sister plug, check out her art, especially her originals on wood. I call them portals, and the nickname stuck, because it really is like a little window into another world.
No, I’m not great at cutting myself some slack, but it is fascinating whenever I do stick with something, because whether it be writing, or art, or longboarding, I always hit those milestones eventually, little islands where I can take a moment, look back and see how much ocean I’ve sailed.
Do yourself a favor, run aground for a bit, and take in the miles of horizon behind you. You’re doing great, and you’ll keep sailing over calm or stormy waters. Keep boarding over miserable or butter roads.
-Ellie
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